Are You a Victim? You Might Be a Victim If….

     

Don’t be a Victim. It’s a Choice.

You Might Be a Redneck If … has been a comedic routine made famous by Jeff Foxworthy since 1992 and it still works today because “Being a Redneck is not a Southern thing”.  There is a little bit of redneck in all of us because, if we haven’t done it, we thought of doing it or we know someone who has.  Besides that, when you go down the list of 300 Reasons You Might Be a Redneck you just LAUGH.

Click on the URL if you would like to be reminded of 300 Reasons You Might Be a Redneck:  (http://www.countryhumor.com/redneck/mightbe.htm).

You Might Be a Victim is a recent cultural routine that is being encouraged but it is not funny.  It is a recipe for a life of anger, disappointment, jealousy, guilt and misery.   If you recognize that you are doing any of the examples below, you might want to ask yourself: Why am I doing this? What am I really getting out of this? Will victimization be a path that will lead Me to My best future goals? (You do have goals?  Right?)

You might be a victim if you…

1. Justify your aggression against others by believing they deserve it.  Great examples:

the knock out game – where someone would throw a punch at someone for no reason.   

you are hostile / angry / disrespectful to an authority figure / anyone in your life.   

2. Try to form relationships with people who have no real interest in you. They disrespect, mistreat, take advantage of you or just don’t acknowledge your presence.  Your response is: – poor little me or you keep trying to get their attention so they will like and include you or announce they are . . . . 

3. Refuse to take responsibility for your own happiness or misery.  You make no effort to improve  yourself, find a hobby, join a club of people who share the same interests, do volunteer work where you help others.  You complain about how unhappy you are or I don’t have any friends and then you keep doing what you always do.

4. Nag, complain, harass, and beseech others until they give in to your demands, which is an unpleasant form of negotiation that leads to you being disrespected /avoided.  Victim again.

5. Sometimes go to extremes to get revenge for a perceived abuse (charges of rape when both parties are drunk), or actual abuse (video on Facebook of girlfriend running over boyfriend after learning he was HIV positive.).   

6. Provoking aggressive behavior from others, then excusing or ignoring your role in the blow back.  The other person was supposed to stand   there and take it — they were not allowed to disagree.  (Or as a former student claimed, “the fight started when he hit me back”!)

7. Your entire focus in life is what you are getting in life or in relationships. What you are getting is not enough or what you want.   So, to get what you want, there is an effort to control people/situations. The predictable consequence is more frustration, unhappiness, anger etc.  People don’t like to be control/manipulated.

Very sadly we live in a culture where people are encouraged to be a victim/play the victim role (they are being oppressed by. . .).  If you think you are a victim, you will always be a victim.  You don’t have to be a victim. You can be anything you are willing to work for.   If you are doing any of the above, own it, recognize when you begin to even think of doing one of the above. Then, stop that thought, because every one of those thoughts leads back to emotions such as:

Anger

The obsessive belief that YOU OWE ME”.  After all, YOU hurt me, YOU took something from me.  YOU give me back what you took or I’ll pay you back. Anger is never isolated to the relationship of origin; it leaks into other relationships.  It is an emotion a victim holds against the person who hurt them and anyone who reminds the victim of that person or that situation.

Jealousy 

The obsessive belief that LIFE OWES ME.  Somebody got what I deserve —recognition, the guy, the girl, 1st place, an opportunity, I came in second again. So, now not only do I not like . . . ., it’s impossible to like . . . .    After all, he/she/they got what I want and deserve.  You hope they will mess up and plan to celebrate when they do mess up.

Guilt

The obsessive thought that I OWE YOU.  I owe you something.  This leads to walls of separation, physical and emotional distance and questions like “What’s wrong?” and answers like “Nothing.”  Guilt requires an apology which is a social skill required to maintain relationships with peers, relatives, bosses and a spouse.  Apologies are difficult because:

•They require humility and recognizing how poorly behaved and hurtful you were.

•They require sincerity as in you really mean you are sorry.

•They require someone forgiving you.

These emotions will leak out into words/actions/behaviors that will not only hurt you (and others) but reveal a very unattractive person.  Life is a choice.  You don’t have to be a victim.

So, are you playing the victim game?

 

 

 

If so, what are you going to do about it?

 

 

 

RESOURCES:

https://healthpsychologyconsultancy.wordpress.com/2012/10/26/the-victim-personality/

https://thehealthymindcurriculum.com/apologies-matter-how-to-apoligize/

 

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