The units taught before Sex Ed are The Difference Between Men and Women and What is Love. As a result of the sexual harassment events dominating the news lately and the resulting #MeToo movement, these topics need to be included in our curriculum to facilitate good decision making for our students.
Boys and Girls are physically different. I’m talking body parts; I don’t think I need to explain that. Boys and girls are biologically different. That refers to physical strength, endurance and the male sexual nature. Because of the easy availability of porn on our student’s phones, we do need to discuss porn and the male sexual nature which leads to behaviors that are hurtful to both male and female.
Let me give you some ideas
1. Testosterone – guys have 10 times the amount then women (teen years and early 20’s will be their peak years). As a result, male thoughts and feelings are influenced mightily by what is flowing through their veins. A male’s thoughts, feeling and actions are also influenced by what he sees. Porn is now available to anyone with a phone whose parents don’t have the latest parental controls on it. What our kids are learning about sex is not necessarily from Mom, Dad, their friends, or Sex Ed taught in school. They are learning about sex from online pornography. From what I have read, porn has been normalized and there is no stigma attached to talking about it as in “I saw this, do you want to try it?” There is a tendency to not only believe what we see but also to copy/mimic/emulate what we see. The question is, if the kids viewing porn, TV, movies see people appearing to enjoy X, Y and Z. What’s their assumption going to be? How will this affect a boy’s understanding of a girl’s visual and verbal communication of NO? We can teach the term consent all we want, but if the porn culture is modeling the opposite there is going to be a problem. Traditional morals set a girl’s default position at NO. As a result, girls did not have to negotiate a NO with the male libido. We don’t see these traditional mores on media. Watch TV, music videos, movies, the culture is broadcasting seduction, sex with boys/girls. Sort of a visual how-to manual. I see alcohol (sometimes marijuana), drunk/high kids and sex. (Netflix-Stranger Things, movie Lady Bird, TV-How to Get Away with Murder). I see YES, YES, YES, YES.
2. The Power of the Visual + testosterone = men will sexually objectify women. It just is. A man’s initial reaction to a woman’s body is to see it as attractive. The sight of a women’s breasts, thighs, legs and buttocks can arouse men. This phenomenon is known as objectification. When you have been objectified, you are no longer considered as a whole person with a heart, hopes, dreams, feelings, and interests. You become an object to be conquered. ALL men are continually tempted to “objectify”. PLEASE NOTE not all men give in to this temptation. My husband tried to explain this concept to a teenage daughter who liked to wear a bikini to the pool. She did not believe her father (“her friends were not like that”) until, she was followed around the pool by a teenage boy. His attention was unwanted, undesired, unappreciated and it was unrelenting until an adult male/gentleman stepped in. A lesson was learned; immodesty (revealing lots of skin) encourages objectification which is the opposite of respectability. People who are objectified are treated differently than people who are respected. TEACHER NOTE: If a male is attracted to another male, he will objectify that object of his desire and act accordingly. This is the male sexual nature. Both boys and girls/men and women need to understand this nature.
3. Once upon a time, society’s best interest was when men restrained/controlled this desire and focused it in a positive manner (that is code for, sexual activity was channeled into marriage). Traditional culture tried to civilize the male sexual nature (sex drive) by celebrating the virtues of being a gentleman and being respectful of a lady’s modesty. Of course, it is not politically correct to recognize the ladder (differences are not biological, they were always social constructed). The terms ladies and gentlemen are not used anymore. Gentleman may be making a come-back Check out https://www.thegentlemansjournal.com/20-things-make-man-gentleman/.
4. It’s testosterone that changes a boy physically into a man. Testosterone is one of the factors involved in the development of muscle and physical strength. As a result, a young male begins to express his dominance over females (I’m bigger, faster, stronger than you) and over other boys. They begin to express an I can beat you attitude. This is when mothers of boys have difficulty with their sons, particularly if there is no father in the home to stop that specific behavior. It’s about competition, winning in sports, at school, at work and being with the most beautiful women. When a guy lifts a beautiful girl away from some other guy (especially if it’s his friend), it’s about competition. I win. It’s not an accident that the high school quarterback dates the prettiest cheer leader. It’s competition. I win.
5. Let’s take it a step further. There is a reason why everyone at school knows John had sex with _________________ the following school day before lunch. It’s competition. I win. It’s not the girl spreading the news. Another example, guys who request their girlfriends to sext text. If the girls are foolish enough to send a pic, the guy will show all his friends. It’s competition. I win. Look what I can do. (The girl loses the power of innocence (this also happens when she gives up her virginity), her reputation and self-respect.) It’s also a crime where a person could be charged with a misdemeanor or felony that could result with prison and or appear on the state’s sex offender registry—check out my article, Do You Know What to Do About Sext Texting? on my blog: thehealthymindcurriculum.com/know-sex-texting/
6. A real actual testosterone fueled guy has a fantasy. That fantasy is: he is attracted to pretty girls (who like to show plenty of skin- plunging necklines (breasts), short shorts or tight shorts, tight skirts and/or tight, tight jeans. It makes it so easy to focus on all the good parts which will activate his imagination) and having intimate relationships with them (that’s testosterone speaking) without any concern for the girl’s feelings. If necessary, he will persuade with words, alcohol or the drug of your choice. It’s competition. I win.
7. For a man to attain his primary fantasy, he has to become a doer. He must choose an environment (academia, sports, business, exploration, military, technology etc.) and become a high performer. He has to be a master of something. It’s competition. I win. I’ll paraphrase Chris Rock, “There is a coldness you have to accept when you are a man. Only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provide something. When a man meets someone new, his friends ask, “What does she look like?” When a woman meets someone new, her friends ask, “What does he DO?” The value of a man is tied up in his work, can he help out, can he facilitate a dream or not? Chris Rock’s advice, think less about your grievances, think more about providing for others.”1
8. Girls, traditionally your fantasy was different – or at least it used to be to find a nice gentleman who can support a family. In other words, security and family. This is code for a husband with a good job and children. A man has to give up his fantasy for a girl to experience her fantasy. It’s so big when a guy gives up his fantasy. He has found the woman of his dreams. You sacrifice what you love; the guy gave up a fantasy. So, a girl has to be worth his sacrifice. If a girl allows guys to achieve their fantasy with them, she will always have boyfriends. She will not be in the wife category.
Samuel Brown’s comment, “FYI ladies, if you expect anything in return for sex, other than sex, you’re a prostitute and by the way that includes a guy’s respect, love, and ongoing special treatment, etc.” 2 Samuel is speaking guy talk which in code means: respect, love, and ongoing special treatment is given to girls who have demonstrated they are in the wife category.
9. Traditionally a girl/woman attained her fantasy by her beauty and thru men. This explains why women spend a lot of time and money on appearance. They believe their looks are central to their identity as a criterion for acceptance/rejection. Beauty first then merit helps them to be successful in business, academia, interviews, first impressions and attractive to men.
An important part of appearance, is the way you dress. A person’s appearance should encourage a viewer to gaze upon a person’s face, specifically eyes and smile. They are an indication of personality, who you are and thus likeability. Provocative dressing which emphasizes breasts, buttock and thighs through tightness, style or suggestion even if it covers all the right places distracts men from a person’s intellect, achievements, interests and merit (who you really are). Common sense and grandma will tell you immodesty encourages first distraction followed by disrespect and later maybe an unwelcome comment and/or proposition.
TEACHER NOTE: There was a young beautiful dynamic likeable, physically fit math teacher at our school. Before she left for school each day, I’m sure she looked in the mirror, smiled and believed she looked good. To the teenage boys in her class, she was much better than good, her dress (there was a competition between eyes drawn to her figure and her voice explaining math) was a major distraction from any algebra/ geometry/trig lesson. She didn’t realize she was dressed to attract men not teach math. The young girls did focus on the math lesson, observed her dress and did their best to emulate her look. They wanted to get good grades in math and attract the guys. The teacher would occasionally mention to the older female teachers on her team that our principal would tell her “the way you dress is unprofessional and encouraged her to dress more conservatively”. She had no idea what he was talking about (or the middle age women she worked with. They were making suggestions too.). She was well dressed, she was in style, the clothes fit and everything was covered. She looked great; as guys would say mum, mum, mum SHE’S FINE. How does a middle age man tell a young attractive female teacher that when young guys look at you they are thinking XXXXXXYYYYYYYZZZZZZZZ and still keep his job?