An effective NO means — the person you are saying NO to hears the spoken information and responds respectfully.
Saying No Can be the Ultimate Self-Care
Knowing how to successfully say NO, while letting others know where your boundaries are is an important skill set. (Boundaries are rules people have for themselves that are reasonable and permissible ways for other people to behave around them). It is a nice way of letting people know how to treat you.
Kids of all ages don’t do it well.Even adults have problems with this issue – see an example of a true story below:
(I spent almost an hour coaching a middle age woman on how to respond to an abusive supervisor. She knew how to respond in a passive way (ineffective) while really wanting to respond in an aggressive way (didn’t want to get fired). She was going to quit her job that gave her family medical benefits until I taught her what to say, the proper body language and proper vocal tone. She went to her work place and taught the other ladies. They almost wanted the supervisor to go off on one of them because they knew how to handle the situation.)
Saying NO is confidence building, and a self-respect issue; it is also a learned skilled that requires practice. In my Healthy Mind Curriculum lessons, individuals get a chance to practice saying NO in a number of different situations with a variety of different types of people — parents, siblings, teachers, peers, bosses etc. My goal, is for all individuals to be able to:
say NO nicely, calmly and respectfully
while maintaining their cool factor
It’s empowering, confidence building and it demonstrates leadership and grace under fire. The person with this skill is respected; people aren’t eager to cross their boundaries. We want the people we around us to hear what we say and respect our standards as we respect theirs.
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